Wesley White House Summer '09 residents
Lynn, Me, Kala, Lindsey, Leah

Visiting the Dead

A few years ago I read Philippe Aries' Western Attitudes toward Death: From the Middle Ages to the Present. From what I remember Aries follows the change of attitudes of most western cultures toward death and dying including changes in ceremony, location of cemeteries, shifts in language used to talk about dying, etc. Basically most western cultures don't want to think about death; we want to push cemeteries as far from the center buzz of busy cities as possible. With modern medicine don't always know when actual death happens. Death has become an interruption for the living. So, Aries convincingly observes.

Aries' words surfaced the other day as I was driving with some Tongan friends, and one of the girls mentioned she hadn't been to see her brother in awhile so she needed to go see him. I asked where he lived. She said, "He's dead, so my family usually goes to have a BBQ or something where he is buried." I wanted to ask more questions, but it didn't seem entirely appropriate. Then she gently touched a picture of her brother that was posted on her dashboard and said, "I'll come by soon, bro."

There was no sign of interruption, inconvenience, or intrusion of her brother's death upon the lives of the living. He was still a part of the family, included in weekend picnics, holiday celebrations and everyday conversations.

A few days ago a 19 year-old Samoan girl from one of the local UMC congregations committed suicide. The funeral was not limited to one specific hour; rather family and friends gathered for a whole day, beginning at 3:00pm and going on through the night to the early morning. There was food, singing, testimonials, remembrances, tears, laughter, pictures, videos...friends and family gathering to honor, celebrate and remember the dead, and supporting one another.

I want to learn more about these island customs of death. Maybe they stem from the importance of family. When I first moved here I was told the two most important things on the islands are Family and food. Sometimes I think mainland people will joke that everyone on the islands are related; everyone is someone's brudda, sis, auntie, or cousin. Death does not take away these relations; the dead continue to be a part of the family, included in the lives of the living by more than just a yearly visit to place flowers at a marker.

I wonder what Aries would say about death in this culture.

The Connectional Church

I haven't been blogging much. Hawaii keeps me busy. But I've also been frustrated and did not want my frustrations to leak out into my writing. But there is no blog etiquette that is stopping me from tossing out one complaint. I am not one to complain too much, and when I do I hope it will spark some conversation and growth.
One of the reasons I chose to be ordained in the United Methodist is because I love the connectional aspect of our world-wide church, connecting pastors and members of all ages from all over the globe. One, united family of God serving all the corners of the world.
I have been planning a summer service camp called Concrete Christ Service Project (CCSP) that involves high school youth from the Hawaii district United Methodist churches; it is a week of service to the island of Oahu through service projects at Kapiolani Medical Center for Children, Kilohana Adult Day Care, Kaha Gardens, Life Foundation, Institute for Human Services and other service sites the youth will be serving various needs of the island. It is a great service, learning, worship and fellowship experience that connects the youth from the Hawaii district.
However much to my dismay my rose colored glasses of how the connectional system could and should work have been shattered. This is one event that brings the district youth together and yet some pastors (definitely not all) refuse to help, and some even rudely look down on the project. I had one pastor send a curt email about how the camp does not address the root of the real problems the community is facing. It was a one-line curt email from a pastor I have never met, nor had I ever spoken to the man. I can think of more loving ways to bring up flaws in the program. Some pastors tossed the mailings I sent aside, and when I visited several churches this Sunday some people hadn't even heard about the camp, but were very interested after hearing me talk about it.
I certainly do not want to be ungracious by forgetting those few pastors who have supported the district-wide event; they have been my saving grace and a good lesson on how the connectional system can work. And I do not want anyone to suppose that I imagine myself more important than the next. I am not. I know churches have lots going on this summer. But it is disheartening as a future clergy woman that out of 41 churches I mailed information to, called, and emailed only 4 or 5 have cared to even respond. The silence is deafening, and it is daily eating away at my enthusiasm and passion.
The camp is June 26, nearly one week away and so far there are 4 campers and 4 counselors. I am tired and frustrated. I put a lot of energy and creativity into planning this camp, and my spirit is crushed by the lack of follow through by local churches. I am not ungrateful to those who have sent their registration papers in, but looking past the actual event and the goods and the bads, I am overall just disappointed in our United Methodist church.
A classmate at BU once asked me, "Are we United Methodist or Untied Methodist?" At the time I was shocked anyone would utter such heresies! But I am beginning to understand. And it makes me sad.